Service Without a Smile...

While sitting and waiting for my $130 headlight bulbs to be replaced in my “Free Service for 5 Years” BMW, I couldn’t help but notice the luxury that was being bestowed upon me in the comfort of the service waiting pin. I call it a pin because it usually consists of my elders chomping on trail mix reading last years matted together PEOPLE magazine or 3 obnoxious, filthy children pulling at their mums stretched out halter top screaming “Are we DONE YET?!”

I remember having several arguments with my mother as a young adult about the benefits in buying quality. She said “Potato”, I said “Prada”. And yet, I sit here staring at a white strand of lights making their way to a Christmas tree approximately five feet away from the outlet. This allowing at least 75 shimmering lights to lead you to the main attraction. It was as if Hansel and Gretel had strung them themselves so that we could find the tree - in case we lost GPS signal along the way.


This tree was grand. To paint a picture in your mind...this tree would best be described as one tossed into the garbage by someone who cleaned out their storage unit last March and decided that they wouldn’t be celebrating Christmas after this, their third relocation. After being mashed in the dumpster under their Aunt’s pressed wood chest of drawers that they no longer wanted to cart around - it found it’s new home with Dave. Dave, master dumpster diver, and service technician at BMW - who probably donated it to the store after Marsha (his high maintenance girlfriend) lost her shit because she couldn’t pull her 1993 Corolla into the garage because a “BOX WAS IN THE WAY!”. And, voila - Oh Christmas Tree! The once forgotten artificial monument would now be leaving its soggy cardboard casket and making its way into this - the luxury pin.

Let’s focus on the tree that I am now staring at, shall we? It’s branches are as flat as an American Idol hopeful during Hollywood week. And, the garland looked like Judy herself had come back to put it on. It was worse than the Charlie Brown tree. The Charlie Brown tree was cute, like the runt of the litter who was born with a stub leg. This tree, however, was meant to age gracefully. Being fluffed every year after the heated up turkey sandwich was eaten and Macy’s started running their “ONE DAY SALE” adds - that seem to happen “EVERYDAY!” Instead it was more like Joan Rivers...alot less grace, and more flat than fluffed. This is BMW - shouldn’t their Christmas tree be impressive?

I remembered that my service technician had offered me coffee and a doughnut which I had thanked him for but declined initially. Now after an hour of sitting on a Saturday morning at 9 am (insert I am not a morning person here) - I was obliged to have a cup of Joe. I was glad to find Starbucks cups on the counter, that green girl starring back at me made me feel warm inside. Like I was home, smelling cow manure and hearing “Jarrrrrettttt - JARRRRRETTTTTTTTTT!” However the “putt putt sputter” of the cappuccino machine being out of cappuccino quickly brought me back to a state I visit often - the lost state beginning with the letter “A” - Annoyed(AD). The branded Venti cup was immediately tossed in the can and back to my pleather seat I went.

I couldn’t help at that instant to be drawn into the conversation being had by the two “young” women at the “take all my money” counter. I’ll call them Paris and Nicole so you get the picture. Both in lab coats, ‘cause that’s how they do it at BMW. Makes you feel like your car is getting “treated”. Paris says to Nikki “I told Roger to move his car - I don’t care if it IS his day off - employees CAN NOT park UP FRONT! - I don’t care if it is cold and if he is off today!” Nicole just shaking her head in total agreement while knawing her gum like WIlly Wonka had just just given her a 3 course meal. Of course this bellows into the very back of the pin where I am elbows to knees texting it up with my friend Elizabeth on my iPhone 4 (not to be mistaken with “4S”). And, at that instant - my mind did the time warp again. The millions of things I had picked up on from the time I had entered that service bay all aligned at once. Was this SERIOUS?

Service and experience have been a passion of mine since I can remember. I purchased a luxury car so that I have a great product, receive good service - and have an experience that I can’t describe in words, but know that I want to tell others about. A bed head Christmas tree - an empty coffee machine and “Diva Cashiers LIVE” did not fit the bill on what I feel like I paid for. And, the experience I want to have as a consumer. So...Welcome to my blog. Having been a residential REALTOR for 6 years - an International Teacher/Traveler - and now in the banking industry, my career path in sales/education has trained my eyes and ears in the field of service and experience. I will write about just that. My everyday great, funny, horrible, over the top service stories to truly expose it is not about how “we” think it happened - it is how “they” know it happened.

They walk in everyday thinking “Wow - I work at BMW!” - And I think everyday...”I’ll never buy another!”

I look forward to GREAT in 2012!

Jarret