“It’s a party...YAYYYYYYY....YOU Pooh-PEED ‘in’ the POTTY!”
If you had a Mom like my beloved Pammy - then you know this line well. (For those of you who didn’t, I’m sorry). Every milestone of my life has been accompanied with a celebration - the usual greeting of larger than life smiles, syncronized hand clapping and chanting “JAY-UH-RET, JAY-UH-RET” - sort of Momma Klump style “HER-KUH-LEES, HER-KUH-LEES!” - you get the picture. And, my potty training was no exception. There she stood - patiently waiting - and.....”YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!” (cue the party!)
So, with this childhood memory ‘proper bathroom etiquette’ has become a conditioned behavior. I feel accomplished after using the facility because Mom celebrated my accomplishment and rewarded me. She rewarded me for not only using the potty, but making sure that the pearly bowel was left in the same spotless condition that is was found, that my hands were thoroughly washed and sanitized and that I looked just as sharp and put together as I exited the door as when I urgently came running in!
Now then....
It is quite clear to me that ‘Pammy Potty Parties’ weren’t bestowed upon everyone during their training, or lack there of. But, my public bathroom experience today made it quite evident...and here are my most recent “Top 5 Public Bathroom Do’s and Don’ts!” (As inspired by ‘real life’ experiences)
5) Mops should either be cleaning a floor - or in a bucket!
I’m pretty confident that the mop you are cleaning the tile floor with should not also be dipped into the toilet bowel. Honey boo boo was churning the mop in the toilet like she had previously been in charge of butter production for Paula Dean. DISGUST!
4) Just because you gotta SMART PHONE don’t mean ‘you is smart’, hunty!
The world can do without you for 10 minutes - promise! Screaming profanites on the telephone in the stall next door isn’t necessary or becoming. If you ain’t giving birth to a child in stall #3 - keep your cursing and snide remarks to yourself.
3) JACK’POT’!
Flush! Exciting in a poker game, and equally as exciting in the restroom.
2) The urinal and I have something in common!
Neither one of us are comfortable with #2. #1 is what I strive for and the urinal likes to be #1 only as well. Figure it OUT!
1) What are THESE?
That’s a soap dispenser, and those are paper towels. Just because employees of this establishment are the only ones that are ‘required’ to use the two - I strongly encourage those not employed here to "give ‘em a try - ya might like ‘em."
So, moral to this story that will continue to be added to - I will no longer have road rage towards the drivers weaving in and out of rush hour traffic. As I now know they are squeezing and speeding for all it's worth to make it home as fast as they can to avoid the absolute outrageousness of the public restroom.
Yours truly,
Public Restroom Ranter
AKA Jarret
